5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Choosing Your Maid of Honor

Ask any bride-to-be with more than one sister or best friend, and she’ll tell you there can be too much of a good thing. Because when you’re surrounded by wonderful women whom you love, it can make choosing your maid of honor downright difficult.

“A bride to be should first select her maid of honor with her heart,” says Julie Blais Comeau, etiquette expert and the author of Etiquette: Confidence & Credibility. “The decision should feel good and right.” But there are some practical things to consider, too. Here are five questions every bride torn between multiple maid-of-honor-options should ask herself:

1. How close am I really to each woman? 

“Your maid of honor should be someone you feel very close to and envision in your life for years to come,” explains Comeau. This mayeliminate some friends from your crowded choices.

2. Who is most likely to give me the support and attention I need?

You may be closest to your sister, but if she just welcomed a newborn into her family, she may not have the time — or the shut-eye! — needed to plan showers, shopping adventures and a bachelorette bash.

3. Do any of my friends get easily offended or emotional?

“This is a time that you don’t need a dramatic friend who will add to your stress level when something goes wrong,” Comeau says. “On the other hand, you want to select a maid of honor who can take charge for you and make decisions without being shy or nervous.”

See More: The 6 Biggest Etiquette Mistakes Brides Make

4. Will my wedding put any of my options in a difficult position?

If you’re torn between two best friends, for example, consider if one would have to travel often to attendpre-wedding events, or if the other just started a new job. You may find that one lady would be relieved to take on a lesser role.

5. Who is influencing my decision?

If you’re feeling pressure from another person, such as a mother or future mother in law, to choose a particular woman, realize the decision is up to you alone. “Ultimately, you have to feel good about your choice,” Comeau says.

Still struggling between two women? “A great way to resolve the maid of honor dilemma is to also have a matron of honor,” Comeau suggests. “That role could be held by an older sister while the maid of honor could be your best friend.”

After you make your decision, be sure not to leave out your runners up! Ask them to participate in other ways, as bridesmaids and throughout your planning process.


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